How to mourn the loss of your Twin Flame – Part 1

Ouch, here’s a title that’s going to rile up more than one Chaser! Yes, I know it’s not pleasant to read, yet during your journey, there will come a moment when you’ll mourn your twin flame because that’s exactly what’s best for both of you.

Indeed, the Chaser is several steps ahead of their Runner. On one hand, due to differences in personalities, life experiences, and so on.

From the start, the Chaser has wanted this relationship, but throughout the time they wait for the Runner to awaken and emerge from their cocoon, the Chaser will really take a beating.

The Chaser will then go through various emotional stages to arrive at mourning their twin flame, which means reaching their own completeness.

Yep, instead of waiting for the Runner to wake up to what’s painfully obvious but they refuse to see/don’t want to see due to denial, fear, and suffering, the Chaser will have to go through this famous mourning process.

In a way, it’s the Chaser’s job.

In fact, we’re faced with a Runner who knows, who feels, who has seen, but who refuses/don’t want to form this couple because, among other things, they’re too addicted to their fears… That’s why they’re fans of masks (false self). (Of course, this depends on the stage the Runner is at in the relationship.)

For their false self, the truth is poison! 🤣🤣🤣

So, the stage arrives where the Chaser will let go, move on because this relationship, so idealized by the Chaser, must also… find truth:

Your Runner is not ready or doesn’t want to be, or doesn’t want this relationship, whether you like it or not.

While your Runner is in their process of evolution, you are also living yours. Each has their own work to do, which is sometimes similar, sometimes different, but complementary nonetheless.

The Inevitable Choice of the Chaser

At this stage, you will have a choice to make:

• Stay attached to the “connection”: thus creating waiting and suffering.
• Move on: free yourself from waiting and live your life.

However, if staying attached to the “connection” creates waiting and suffering, moving on also creates a lot of suffering for you, and yet… you will have to reach this stage of letting go, surrender, and detachment in well-being.

(Here I am talking about letting go of the mechanisms of your mind regarding the twin flame subject).

Ohhh, I know, Chaser, you’re not happy right now, you’re going to blow a fuse and all that. And yet, this is the work you should initiate, just like a cigarette addict should quit smoking. And here’s why…

You should stop putting your Runner at the top of your pyramid and you should take care of yourself.

The truth for now is that your Runner doesn’t deserve such an important place in your life given the way they treat you. Furthermore, they simply are not capable of holding that place.

• They see coal when you present them with gold.
• And they see gold when you present them with coal.

Show them a toxic relationship, and they’ll dive right in, thinking it’s love. Show them a Chaser, and they’ll tell you it’s a narcissistic pervert…

As a result, while you place them at the top of your pyramid, you are setting yourself up for huge expectations. You do this because you believe that if the Runner were to come back as before, then you would have an extraordinary relationship. But here, we’re in the “What if…” Syndrome.

But here’s the thing, you think you know, but you don’t know: they’re really not ready/don’t want to be ready to take on that role for now. They’re still playing in nursery school with toxic relationships that manipulate them, telling them what to do, how to do it, and when, even if it’s not good for them.

The worst part is, they keep asking for it because they haven’t learned the lesson yet!

They’re trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You know, like the toys for kids when they’re 4 years old. Wait, let me show you the picture so we’re on the same page 🤣🤣🤣:

So how do you expect them to take responsibility for this relationship when they’re doing everything to avoid taking responsibility by hiding in emotional dependence.

It’s just dead, like dead, like dead, at least for now. You’re asking them to do the exact opposite of what they’ve always done.

Clearly not up to par since they’re driven by the false self and fear (because it suits them too), there will be a separation to set the record straight for both the Chaser and the Runner so they can make their way together.

And yeah, I have good news for you…

You, too, Chaser, don’t get it, because you’re also trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You’re trying to make them realize the “reality of your connection” but the Runner isn’t there yet and/or isn’t looking to be.

The more you try to show them the “connection”, the more scared they get because they don’t feel up to it at all.

No matter how much they show off in public to impress everyone or on social media, when it comes to taking their independence, being authentic, showing their emotions, assuming the consequences of their authenticity… it’s a whole different ball game.

That’s why they prefer toxic relationships because even if they are painful, annoying, tasteless with 1001 lies, betrayals, manipulations, the toxic relationship is comfortable because it doesn’t require any change from them.

(And you know what? You, too, Chaser, are acting the same way about this relationship because even though it’s not working, you persist in wanting to “believe” that it will work if…)

So they can stay well hidden in their masks, without taking any risks and continue to do what they’ve always done. In fact, there’s a quote in personal development that says:

“If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always got.”

Ultimately, Chaser, you don’t realize that you should let go of the whole thing with your Runner so they can have their own experiences in life, like burning their wings in their toxic relationship.

Chaser, you need to understand one thing:

You learn through logic and reflection, the Runner through suffering.

It’s when they’ve had enough that they’ll turn around like you, Chaser. At that point, they’ll change their ways because the suffering will have become so unbearable that they’ll have to awaken, that is, do their work on themselves.

In fact, let’s face it… Now the Runner has two tastes in their mouth:

• The taste of their toxic relationship.
• The taste of their relationship with their Chaser.

Now they can see the differences, even if they’re in denial and try to deny the relationship.

The Runner catches on quickly, but they need to be explained for a long time! And since you don’t have time to wait, the real option is to leave and thus mourn.

In the end, Runner/Chaser have common issues:

• The Runner idealizes the world and doesn’t see things as they really are.
• The Chaser idealizes their Runner and doesn’t see them as they really are.
• The Chaser insists that the Runner see the “reality of the connection”.
• The Runner insists on making toxic relationships work that don’t work.

But for now, Chaser, you have to face the facts, open your eyes:

The Runner is not yet ready and/or doesn’t want to be ready, so there’s no point in waiting.

The sooner you let go, the sooner you’ll feel better.

Chaser, you should simply put yourself back at the center of your life.

Forget about your Runner! Now, I know, I’m doing this on purpose, just so when you read this phrase, you see if it triggers an emotion in you, like anger, frustration, indignation, and so on…

If it does… learn EFT right away. 🤣

Forgetting about your Runner means considering the idea that they may never come back, as statistics often show, and being okay with that idea.

When you reach this point, you’re usually in a state of completeness.

Imagine if you had never known your Runner, you wouldn’t be waiting for something you never experienced, right?

Well, there you go, you’ve got it all figured out. That’s the stage you want to reach.

To choose oneself before the other.

So, Chaser, you’re going to have to open your door all by yourself like a big boy without waiting for the other.

The truth is, you’re going to have to do as you usually do: figure things out on your own like a grown-up.

If you choose yourself, you’ll then leave this “twin flame connection.” Which is said to be unbreakable when it’s not.

In fact, mourning your twin flame relationship is the best way to:

• Release all sorts of parasitic programming,
• Live a fulfilled life,
• Open your heart for yourself and not for someone else,
• Make your Runner come back faster? (It’s not certain it will work, but it might increase the chances).

Basically, it’s simply the best strategy on this so-called twin flame journey. In fact, once you’ve “tried everything,” all that’s left is this door: the door of mourning.

This door that you didn’t want to take from the beginning, except as a last resort.

“When it unlocks for one, does it unlock for the other?”

“And it’s precisely because you’ve tasted that emotional intensity that many Chasers call Love that you cling to it like a mussel to its rock. In fact, you’re simply afraid of losing it, of not being able to feel that way again.

But look, the Runner does exactly the same…

They cling to their toxic relationship/third-party energy/addiction like a mussel to its rock because they’re too afraid to live alone, as for them it’s synonymous with death.

When they think about it, they’re overwhelmed by fear. In fact, this is part of the similarities between the Runner and the Chaser:

• The Chaser is attached to this connection for fear of losing Love.
• The Runner is attached to their toxic relationship out of fear of being alone.

It’s exactly the same process at work.

And there are plenty of similarities like this between Chasers and Runners. Now you understand why there’s this story of energetic exchange between you.

When you let go of this relationship, through energetic exchange, it can help the Runner let go a little of their toxic relationship/addiction/third-party energy, but don’t see it as a “magic” or highly effective solution. It has a very little influence even if it does have some.

The idea isn’t to detach yourself to create these results, otherwise you’ll load the connection with additional things and you’ll never be done with this story because you’ll still be “mentally stuck on it”.

The idea is to detach yourself from the connection for yourself, to feel good, in short, to mourn this twin flame relationship.

In fact, on the subject of twin flames, you want to free yourself from all this mental interference:

Attachment, addictions, lack of love, need for security, need for attention, need for approval, anger, injustice, betrayal, humiliation, abandonment, rejection, need to be right, need to be recognized by your twin for who you are, feeling excluded, isolated, denied, insulted, etc…

When you enter into this process, you free yourself for yourself, for your well-being.

Now that this is said, let’s move on to techniques for mourning your Runner.

Technique #1: Using anger to your advantage.

So be careful! Here I’m not inviting you to deliberately produce anger, but to use it in a certain way when it arises.

I’m also not inviting you to vent your anger on your Runner, even though sometimes, a good slap in the face might surely put some sense into him/her 🤣🤣.

(Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it 😝)

However, you’ll inevitably experience moments of rage or anger during your journey. And honestly, it’s completely legitimate.

Here, it’s about seizing the anger to direct your attention towards your goal: your completeness, your joy, your happiness, or any other goal you have in life.

It might seem contradictory, but it’s really not. It’s one of the concepts our mentor taught us:

Use anger when it arises, not to dwell on (endure) the situation but to visualize, materialize, and take actions towards your goal.

Anger then becomes your ally and not your enemy. And that’s quite different…

As you seize the anger, you’ll use it for the time it’s present, which will be very short given what I’m going to suggest. Once done, I recommend you to finalize by releasing the remaining with EFT, Sedona, meditation, massage, ASMR, and so on. Click here to know more about it.

You seize the emotional opportunity on the fly, you use it, and then you let go.

I’m emphasizing this because it’s really important.

Ultimately, you’re no longer subject to anger but use it for creative purposes towards your goal, because to create your reality, you need three things… Here’s a very concise reminder of your creative ability:

Every vibration you emit is attracted to you; the speed at which you receive what you’ve emitted is determined by three factors:

• The intensity of the transmission (thought/emotion),
• The frequency of the transmission (repetition),
• If there are no resistances (doubts/fears).

So, you’ll understand that the intensity of your anger can be very useful in creating your reality. Personally, I recommend not using it to “focus on your meeting with your twin” because that might only increase the waiting and worsen things.

The more you try to force the thought of a reunion, the more it may contribute to pushing away the Runner, they’re not an Avenger 🙃. Besides, it will only create more waiting on your side and further embed the idea of “reunion” in you, but we actually want to let go of that.

What’s more interesting is to use anger to think about your life without your Runner and therefore to move on from this “journey.”

How to use anger to your advantage?

It’s very simple, and the whole trick is to force yourself to see what you want to see and not to dwell on what is. In fact, you should read the books by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which explain the basics of thought. That’s worth 10,000 worthless courses by those 2.0 internet marketers…

• If you’re sick of being single -> You want to be in a relationship.
• If you’re sick of being poor -> You want to be financially comfortable.
• If you’re sick of being sick -> You want to be healthy.
• If you’re sick of being weak -> You want to be strong.

So, you’ll think and scream “I want to be in a relationship” (and here I’m not talking about with the runner, okay) while experiencing anger. You’ll therefore think and talk about the “end result” you want and not its absence…

The advantage is that the intensity of your anger towards a positive goal (being in a relationship, having more money, etc.) will contribute to creating new neural connections and thus focus your brain on this new goal with repetition.

Instead of dwelling on and embedding in you: I’m constantly ignored by my Runner.
You’ll embed in you: I want to be recognized for who I am, loved, appreciated, honored for my true worth (in general).

When you endure the anger and ruminate over your negative story, you’re training your brain to think about crap, so you have a crap emotional state on a regular basis, and you automatically attract crap (I’m very black or white here).

Technique #2: Learn to Put Things into Perspective

So this concept is very simple, you just need to step out of your bubble and look at the world around you. There are people dying of hunger, struggling to drink water, women being raped, children abducted – in short, there are much worse situations, significantly worse than what you experience on a daily basis.

So, putting things into perspective (and everyone does it in their own way) allows you to realize that if you step out of your mental bubble for just 2 minutes, your life isn’t so bad after all, even if you’re going through a crappy situation.

Sure, you’re suffering like crazy in the absence of your Runner, maybe you lost your job, your friends, you might feel “alone” in the world, your Runner ignores you and spits in your face, but…

You’re alive, you have water whenever you want, you can take a shower whenever you want, you eat to your heart’s content, so in the end… Well, your life isn’t so bad.

Technique #3: Emotional Release

I’m not going to talk about it again here, as I’ve already written a bunch of articles on the subject, but you should use emotional release techniques like:

• EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)
• Sedona Method
• Is it True? Method
• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
• Theta Healing
• ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response)
• Ho’oponopono
• Meditation

It’s up to you to see what works best, knowing that EFT is essential because you can learn it in 10 minutes and then practice it whenever and wherever you want, at any time, with no moderation or side effects. See the article on clinical and scientific evidence of EFT effectiveness here.

EFT is your Swiss Army knife for emotional release. It’s simple, easy, and free.

ASMR is not an emotional release technique, but if it works for you, it’s amazing how calm and relaxed you’ll feel, and the best part is, you don’t have to do anything.

Technique #4: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a super powerful technique, but you might not be able to use it all the time because if your emotional state is too negative (frustration, anger, etc.), you simply won’t be able to forgive.

The emotional gap between anger and forgiveness will be too high. So, use EFT or another technique to “come down” and access the “energy of forgiveness,” meaning being able to forgive.

When done right, forgiveness is a mega powerful technique, just like gratitude. But for it to work, you need to be in the right emotional state; that’s the key.

So, if you feel that you’re close to forgiveness, meaning you feel good and want to “wipe the slate clean,” then proceed as follows:

• Make a list of everything you forgive your Runner for.
• Make a list of everything you want your Runner to forgive you for.
• Make a list of everything you forgive yourself for.

Once the list is made (you don’t have to write novels each time, just a bullet-point list), close your eyes, put one hand on your heart and the other hand just below your sternum.

Get into the emotion of forgiveness (well-being, to simplify) and state:

• “My dear little Runner, I forgive you for spitting in my face 1001 times. 🙃”
• “My dear little Runner, I forgive you for ignoring and insulting me 1001 times.”
• “My dear little Runner, I forgive you for stabbing me in the heart 1001 times.”

And do the same for the other two themes (forgiving oneself and asking forgiveness from the Runner).

(Yes, you’re going to ask forgiveness from your Runner because you’re not all innocent either)!

What’s powerful is that you’ll recognize:

• What the other person did wrong in your opinion and forgive them.
• What you did wrong in your opinion and ask for forgiveness.
• What you did wrong in your opinion and forgive yourself.

(In reality, when you do all this, you’re just playing an inner game of erasing the slate with yourself).

You can also visualize a scene while forgiving.

A scene that works very well for me is imagining myself with my Runner, standing facing each other, my arm extended, and my hand on their heart and theirs on mine. Ultimately, “we’re connected,” and I proceed to forgive. You can do this with anyone with whom you have a “disagreement” or resistance.

Normally, if it worked, you should feel much better, even at peace with your Runner.

Of course, as I always say:

To be successful, you have to do the right things long enough and regularly.

To go further :

• You can find us on instagram here.
• You can book a session here.
• I invite you to read my introduction on the why of this blog
• Original post on my french blog here.